We won't sleep together?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
