I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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