Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
