I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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