I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
