I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize