There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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