i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
