you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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