The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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