I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
