It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
