from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
