The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize