Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
