I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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