so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
