He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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