Cold hands, warm shart.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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