We won't sleep together?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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