so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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