this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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