Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
