There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
