hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
