isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
