You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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