im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
