Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think people are normalizing furries
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
