Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
