I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
