I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
