Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
