If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
