you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
