the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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