i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
