i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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