fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
