i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
