that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize