i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
