My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
