I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
