I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
