How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
