The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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