Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
