just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize