the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
