I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
