just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think your dad took our porno
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
