sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
