well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
