Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
