Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
