I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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