just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
