I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
