'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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