I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
