i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
