You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
