Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
