The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
