she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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