I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
