i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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