is your mom at the bar?
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
