it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
