I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
