He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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