He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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