this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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