Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
