I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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