we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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