we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
