I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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