My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize