I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
