Dual....:-)
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
