Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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