my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
