Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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