Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
