This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
