Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Your dad touched me again.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
