Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
