i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
