Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
