I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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