If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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