I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize