So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
