sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
