remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
