I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
