I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I am full of burrito and curiosity
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
